he is now 51. it was just my papa's fifty first birthday. and i woke up at 5 in the afternoon. i dont know why i did. it's interesting, the eerie like events that have happened. some sort of channelling into depths not expected. the smell of sampaguitas that evening with robyn was trippy. it passed and i was amused, after robyn telling me that it may mean a spirit has just passed by us.

lately i've been interested in the unknown- yah, the non living. it's so taboo, but it's essential. we must think of these things, naturally, to admire the idea of death and what you're going to do prior to it's arrival and your departure from this place. i dont go a day not thinking of my papa, i must think more than i even realize. it's so hard to know he's not here. i wish and dream so hard for the day to hear his voice, to see his talent, to be his son. fatherless.

me chris and tim went to Andre's for dinner. it was perfect, i wanted to make spagetti but got lazy. tim suggested, so we went. i ate there last with my papa, after getting our passports for the philippines. i miss him. it was a cool evening, for the birthday. we then headed to tasha's and got stoned.

anyways, i can't seem to continue a clear thought on here. my high is too crazy.

peace- ramichael