so i'm back. back into the patience of jotting down much release, within a place that may nuture them. my thoughts. so confused about everything, waking up and then sleeping side by side with the anxiety. who knew that being stressed out would feel like this. yes, it's all relative, but c'mon now. i decided to get step by step closer to the fuel that will dance with the fire that waits in my soul. writing is my passion, so why don't i drink it. like the potted planet that lays only as decor under the smoltering heat. nourish commands growth. my photosynthesis processes, just as such. with the positive energy of success and love, may i find my key to unlock the doors. someone changed the locks.

growing up really has it's cliche ups and downs. it really does. i accept. developmental chords torpido up and down creating cacaphonic noise. i find the beats to take me home. it's hard be the oldest. after my papa passed, life has really 560 degreed it; yah man. i still am in shock with randy. i still don't get so much of what life has tossed to me. this is it; the time in which i shall shed my skin once more to reveal a maturity that only time's experiences may present. i just wish that i was a bit further in the game. but it's cool. i'm going to do my best, realistic best (fucken ganj), to promote these dreams into tangible sources. i'm going to shine again, for my family. being so caught up in the mix of everything has gotten me stimulated in the sense of trying to conquer all such, but at the same time, envelop a sense of acceptance-i am growing older. it's such a trying world that we exist in.

moving to manhattan beach. beverly hills, i will miss you. but you have lost your purpose and tarnished a glamour that only appears with intolerant snacks that the popos would devour. i miss you randy so much. i still am so confused with what has happen. i promise to you, i will watch chris, tim, and faith. i promise cousin.

i'm excited though. i can't wait to get into my real estate, focus a bit and just relax and take it easy. i am going to be there. this is my next challenge. see you later melrose, it's been promising, and my future exposes a different path marked, secured with momentum.

i need to really figure things and conceptualize all the mishaps and fortunes. slowly for surely, my time will arise, with nothing but a proud heart, bright cheesen, and the answers for my quest. i'm ready.

peace and love-ramichael